


out of this hollow (and into tomorrow)

by Yessica



Series: Whumptober 2020 Yessica Edition [21]
Category: Iconoclasts (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody Lives, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Self-Hatred, Whumptober 2020, implied suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yessica/pseuds/Yessica
Summary: After surviving the events on the moon, Royal has to rethink his purpose.(Whumptober day 23 - Exhaustion)
Series: Whumptober 2020 Yessica Edition [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949233
Comments: 9
Kudos: 10
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	out of this hollow (and into tomorrow)

The world had not needed Mother.

It had broken and it had mended and it had done it all without divine intervention. Healing was a fragile word – one with little concrete meaning and no sharp edges – but it had been a long time coming and those that were left could pick up the pieces with no celestial guidance. They could restore what had been taken from them in small gestures and ample efforts.

And so Mother and her retainers had not ever been needed at all. Royal took it in with less clarity, when the earth was still scattered and the future uncertain. He had been in too much pain to process the implication of this revelation, barely clinging to life in much the same way as Robin had clung to him in the moon base with debris flying everywhere and the universe falling apart around them.

But when the calm returned it had settled in and he had not been able to shake it since.

If Mother had never been needed, as was now so clear to him, then Royal had not been needed either. His life's purpose was to help build her legacy and devote himself to maintaining it. You couldn't morally maintain a lie that had only served to hurt others. It was impossible to work towards a greater good if that good only benefited the privileged.

He couldn't sleep. They said ignorance was bliss and there were so many things Royal had been dreadfully unaware of that occupied his mind since gaining this knowledge. Part of him was convinced he had to do _something_ while an even bigger part didn't know what he could even accomplish.

The world had not needed Royal either.

"Kid, you're going to have to go to bed eventually."

His head shot up from where it was buried in his arms. Elro was standing in the doorway, his remaining hand cradling his shoulder. There was a cigarette in his mouth but he hadn't lit it yet.

"Can't..." Royal muttered.

When he had first arrived back on earth he had tried to, ascribing his inability to sleep to the inherent excitement of being somewhere unfamiliar to him. There hadn't been a lot of occasions for him to leave City One unless he practically begged for them. And even then he would be under constant surveillance, having to evade his own personal guard just to be able to breathe. It wouldn't be surprising if it was the novelty of all this which kept him awake.

But after a while, he had noticed something much stranger going on. Royal couldn't sleep. When he did, his dreams only brought him disturbing images. Images of brine and dust and collapsed buildings, dying alone and forsaken on the moon. He woke up in cold sweat, clutching the blankets to his chest and gasping into his pillow. There was small mercy in the fact that he slept on the couch since coming to Settlement 17, meaning he wouldn't be able to disturb anybody else up with his theatrics.

After an extended period of these dreams, he didn't bother with sleeping at all. If all he did was lie awake with his thoughts, only to eventually fall into a restless short-lived slumber preoccupied with nightmares, it was better for him not to attempt. He was tired.

The couch dipped next to him when Elro sat down on it. He took the cigarette out of his mouth with his fingers and stuffed it into his pocket. Royal appreciated him not lighting it, since he couldn't stand the smell. It made him horribly bilious, so Elro had taken to smoking outside because Robin's house was so small.

Royal considered himself to be a burden on them.

"Bad dreams again?" Elro asked. He was wearing a T-shirt that didn't conceal the stump of his missing arm. Royal had often heard him pace around the room he shared with Robin during the middle of the night, or sometimes he snuck out to smoke out back. Phantom pains made it hard for him to sleep as well.

When he didn't answer, Elro sighed.

Royal didn't know what to say. He didn't know much of anything anymore. It felt to him like the entirety of society had crumbled around him and he was left behind in its ashes, a discarded relic of ancient times, obsolete to his people. All he had done his entire life was uphold a belief that hurt all those he came in contact with.

The world did _not_ need Royal.

"You're overthinking it," Elro told him and Royal startled because he hadn't thought he had said those words out loud. By the look on Erlo's face, he could tell he hadn't. Elro was just good at reading people.

"I don't-" he started but then stopped. With each passing sleepless night, it was harder for Royal to get his thoughts in order and he was starting to feel like his head was stuffed with cotton, close to overflowing from the conflicting emotions inside. He had no idea how to deal with this – being so used to having everything spelled out for him since birth.

Maybe it was this ambivalence that scared him most of all.

Elro put a hand on his back. Royal had to push down the urge to pull away, not accustomed to casual physical touches such as these. But Robin had taught him they were quite normal for regular people as a form of comfort. He swallowed away the notion that comfort was the last thing he deserved.

The family Elro once had was dead and that was at least partly Royal's fault.

"Some things need to be let go of before you can move on," Elro said. His voice had a calm to it that put Royal on edge. "You can't go back, only forward." Royal swallowed and looked at Elro, with his red-rimmed eyes and pale face and the scar along his cheek. Just as fundamentally broken as the world, but somehow still standing.

Royal didn't think he could harbor that same strength. He had been a spoiled little brat all along. "What if I don't know how?" he asked. His only reason for existing had been torn from his hands and he was left with nothing.

Elro dragged his hand down, dropped it into his lap with the exhaustion of a man who had lost a hundred small battles. "Then you just put one foot in front of the other until you learn."

Nothing could ever be that easy. Nothing could ever replace a function so basic it was ingrained into Royal's very being. He was created and raised with an ambition deep-rooted into his very psyche – he could not shed that as if it was a trifle.

But the world did not need Royal and it did not need his misguided purpose. Perhaps, it would be better if he-

"Sunflower, why are you up?" Elro had turned his head to face the doorway, where Robin stood rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Fallen out of her usual updo her hair hung around her shoulders in loose strands and she was wearing an oversized shirt that made her tiny frame look even smaller.

After shrugging she walked over, sitting down between them on the couch by making Elro scoot over to the other side. There was heat radiating off her as a testament that she just got out of bed, a smile as bright as the sunrise plastered on her face. Their talking had probably awoken her, but Robin was exactly the kind of person not to mind.

She threw her arms up and back and then they were around the both of them in what was either an embrace or an ill-advised attempt to choke them. Royal was pulled off balance and nearly fell into Robin by the pure force she used on them.

Coughing a little from the new position, Elro managed to clear his throat. "I'm taking it you're happy to be home."

Robin nodded eagerly, letting them go in favor of bouncing on her seat a little. Royal didn't remember how long she had been traveling, the entire adventure blurring together into one muddle of chaos and he hadn't even been conscious for the final part of it.

"There'll be a lot of work starting tomorrow though," Elro continued. "We're gonna have our hands full rebuilding the town."

With another nod, Robin patted Royal's chest.

Elro looked at him with a small grin. "Oh yeah, I guess your powers will come in very handy in that regard, we could definitely use your help. And it looks like Robin has already enlisted you."

"Oh," Royal breathed. He wasn't sure if he was surprised by his powers being considered practical for such a mundane use or by them wanting his help at all. "Naturally, I will be glad to offer my assistance."

"In that case, we should definitely head back to bed." Elro got up from the couch before his sister could capture him in another hug. "Or we won't be any good in the morning."

Robin stood up as well, giving Royal another wave as she followed Elro into the bedroom again. Royal laid back down, staring at the wooden ceiling and the millions of tiny cracks he had memorized by heart since coming here a few days ago. He didn't know if he could sleep yet – it might be a while before he felt capable of keeping his own night terrors at bay.

But there was something much more important he could hold onto until that time came.

While the world might not have needed Royal, there were still people who did.

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing this fandom, let me know what you think?
> 
> Requested by PK on [my Tumblr](http://sharada-n.tumblr.com/)


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